Part Two Chapter VIII

VIIIColin Wall(a) apothegm Gavin and Mary pass under his study window. He recognized Marys silhouette at once, but had to squint to identify the stringy man at her side, before they moved out of the aureole cast by the highroad light. Crouching, half-raised out of his estimator chair, Colin gaped after the figures as they disappeared into the darkness.He was shocked to his core, having taken it for granted that Mary was in a kind of purdah that she was receiving alone women in the sanctuary of her cause home, among them Tessa, who was still visiting constantlyy separate day. Never had it occurred to him that Mary might be socializing after dark, to the lowest degree of all with a single man. He felt personally betrayed as though Mary, on some spiritual level, was cuckolding him.Had Mary permitted Gavin to see Barrys remains? Was Gavin spending evenings sitting in Barrys favourite bum by the extract? Were Gavin and Mary could they possibly be ? Such things happened, after all, every day. peradventure perhaps even before Barrys death ?Colin was perennially appalled by the threadbare state of other peoples morals. He tried to insulate himself against shocks by pushing himself to imagine the worst by conjuring awful visions of offense and betrayal, rather than waiting for the truth to rip same(p) a tucker out by means of his innocent delusions. Life, for Colin, was one big brace against pain and disappointment, and everybody asunder from his wife was an enemy until they had proven otherwise.He was half inclined to blast downstairs to tell Tessa what he had just seen, because she might be fitting to knock over him an innocuous explanation of Marys night-time stroll, and to reassure him that his best friends widow had been, and was still, unaired to her husband. Nonetheless, he resisted the urge, because he was angry with Tessa.Why was she showing such a determined lack of interest in his forthcoming candidacy for the council? Did she non realize how tight a stranglehold his anxiety had gained over him ever since he had sent in his application form? Even though he had expected to feel this way, the pain was not diminished by anticipation, any more than being hit by a take away would be less devastating for seeing it approaching down the data track Colin merely suffered twice in the expectation and in its realization.His nightmarish revolutionary fantasies swirled around the Mollisons and the ways in which they were likely to attack him. Counter-arguments, explanations and extenuations ran constantly through his mind. He saw himself already besieged, fighting for his reputation. The edge of paranoia always homely in Colins dealings with the world was becoming more pronounced and meanwhile, Tessa was sham to be oblivious, doing absolutely nothing to help alleviate the dreadful, crushing strain.He knew that she did not think he ought to be standing. Perhaps she too was panicked that Howard Mollison would slit ope n the bulging gut of their past, and spill its ghastly secrets for all the Pagford vultures to pick over.Colin had already made a few telephone calls to those whom Barry had counted on for support. He had been surprised and heartened that not one of them had challenged his credentials or interrogated him on the issues. Without exception, they had expressed their profound sorrow at the loss of Barry and their intense shun of Howard Mollison, or tha great smug basturd, as one of the blunter voters had called him. Tryin ter crowbar in is son. E could ardly stop hisself grinnin when e eard Barry was dead. Colin, who had compiled a list of pro-Fields talking points, had not needed to refer to the paper once. So far, his main appeal as a candidate seemed to be that he was Barrys friend, and that he was not called Mollison.His illuminance black and white face was smiling at him out of the computer monitor. He had been sitting here all evening, trying to compose his resource pamphlet, fo r which he had decided to use the same photograph as was set about on the Winterdown website full face, with a slightly anodyne grin, his forehead suck up and shiny. The image had in its favour the fact that it had already been submitted to the public gaze, and had not brought down ridicule or ruin upon him a powerful recommendation. just now beneath the photograph, where the personal information ought to have been, were only one or two tentative sentences. Colin had spent most of the last two hours writing and then deleting words at one point he had commandd to ended an entire paragraph, only to destroy it, backspace by backspace, with a nervous, trailer forefinger.Unable to bear the indecision and solitude, he jumped up and went downstairs. Tessa was lying on the sofa in the sitting room, apparently dozing, with the television on in the background.Hows it going? she asked sleepily, opening her eyes.Marys just gone by. Walking up the channel with Gavin Hughes.Oh, utter Tess a. She utter something about going over to Miles and Samanthas, earlier. Gavin must have been at that place. Hes probably walking her home.Colin was appalled. Mary visiting Miles, the man who sought to admit her husbands shoes, who stood in opposition to all that Barry had fought for?What on earth was she doing at the Mollisons?They went with her to the hospital, you fill in that, said Tessa, sitting up with a small groan and reaching her short legs. She hasnt spoken to them properly since. She cute to thank them. Have you sunk your pamphlet?Im nearly there. Listen, with the information I mean, as far as the personal information goes past posts, do you think? Or keep back it to Winterdown?I dont think you need say more than where you work now. save why dont you ask Minda? She Tessa yawned shes done it herself.Yes, said Colin. He waited, standing over her, but she did not offer to help, or even to read what he had written so far. Yes, thats a good idea, he said, more lou dly. Ill consume Minda to look over it.She grunted, massaging her ankles, and he remaining the room, full of wounded pride. His wife could not possibly realize what a state he was in, how microscopical sleep he was getting, or how his stomach was gnawing itself from within.Tessa had only pretended to be asleep. Mary and Gavins footsteps had woken her ten minutes previously.Tessa barely knew Gavin he was fifteen geezerhood younger than her and Colin, but the main barrier towards intimacy had always been Colins intent to be jealous of Barrys other friendships.Hes been amazing about the insurance, Mary had told Tessa on the telephone earlier. Hes on the phone to them every day, from what I can gather, and he keeps telling me not to worry about fees. Oh God, Tessa, if they dont pay out Gavin forget sort it out for you, said Tessa. Im sure he will.It would have been nice, conception Tessa, stiff and thirsty on the sofa, if she and Colin could have had Mary round to the house, to g ive her a change of scene and make sure she was eating, but there was one insuperable barrier Mary found Colin difficult, a strain. This ill at ease(predicate) and hitherto concealed fact had emerged slowly in the wake of Barrys death, like flotsam revealed by the ebbing tide. It could not have been plainer that Mary wanted only Tessa she shied away from suggestions that Colin might help with anything, and avoided talking to him too long on the telephone. They had met so often as a foursome for years, and Marys distaste had never surfaced Barrys good humour must have cloaked it.Tessa had to manage the new state of affairs with great delicacy. She had successfully persuaded Colin that Mary was happiest in the company of other women. The funeral had been her one failure, because Colin had ambushed Mary as they all left St Michaels and tried to explain, through racking sobs, that he was going to stand for Barrys seat on the council, to carry on Barrys work, to make sure Barry prevail ed posthumously. Tessa had seen Marys shocked and offended expression, and pulled him away.Once or twice since, Colin had stated his intention of going over to show Mary all his election materials, to ask whether Barry would have O.K. of them even voiced an intention of seeking guidance from Mary as to how Barry would have handled the process of canvassing for votes. In the end Tessa had told him firmly that he must not badger Mary about the Parish Council. He became insane at this, but it was better, Tessa thought, that he should be angry with her, rather than adding to Marys distress, or provoking her into a rebuff, as had happened over the viewing of Barrys body.The Mollisons, though said Colin, re-entering the room with a cup of tea. He had not offered Tessa one he was often selfish in these little ways, too busy with his own worries to notice. Of all the people for her to have dinner with They were against everything Barry stood forThats a bit melodramatic, Col, said Tessa. Anyway, Mary was never as interested in the Fields as Barry.But Colins only understanding of love was of limitless loyalty, boundless adjustment Mary had fallen, irreparably, in his estimation.